…Family…

Most families I read are warm and caring or sometimes they are not close but you can count on them being there for you in times of need.  My family on the other hand is not so caring and loving as I wish would be.  We have drama like on the Jerry Springer show and no one seems to understand how to get along.

            My family is a crazy mix match of leaders which have total different perspectives on what is right and wrong.  We cannot work together as one even if our lives depending on it.  Much of this comes from two head of the households being my parents.  My parents are not a loving type of parents and they don’t communicate at all in order to bring a sense of peace within the household. 

            This has played a very important role on the up bringing of my sisters and brother.  We don’t always see eye to eye in many matters and keep to ourselves whenever possible.  As we got older I have noticed more of my sisters becoming more open with thoughts and feelings.  We talk a bit more and open up about things we never talked about long ago.  I believe we have grown and have let some of the past behind us and move onto a new future.  However, my brother is still very much rude and irate to me for reasons I don’t quite understand still.  We do not talk about a lot and just avoid each other. 

            As for my parents, well that’s just say they are my parents.  I’ve never had kind of closeness like I hear other people have of their parents.  I believe they ok parents but they are not dependable at all.  Its one thing to make a promise it’s another to keep it.

            One thing I have learned is not everyone is lucky to have parents that care and those who think they don’t have loving parents should view another’s life to see what no love is really like.  I know I don’t want to raise a family in the way I was raised.  I hope to bring lots of love and understanding with my family when ever that happens.  I know my blog sounds depressing but I wish I could of said positive things and happy things but that would be lying.  I do know I will learn from this and move on and just be open and love my family in the future.

Turned Upside down in Two Years

            The smell of the ocean in the morning with the sun warming up your body feels great.  Getting up I looked around hoping no police officers see me this morning me.  I brush off bugs or anything else that may have gotten on my blanket or into my backpack.  Two years and a few months later I finial find a periment job.  However, I have been without a job, money and a roof over my head.  I had to learn to make do with what I had and

Buzz, Buzz, the phone raddles off pulling me out of a deep sleep.  Groaning I turn to on my side reaching up my hand to where the phone should be.  Moving my hand across the desk I find it with my fingers and press the button on the side of the phone turning off the alarm.  I lay on my back looking up and around me trying to pull the sleep from my eyes.  Only 5:30am and the sun is just warm up the sky with its light but yet it has not shown its face.  “Another day another dollar” I think to myself as I slowly pull off the covers and sit up in bed.  Naruto, my cat, comes up beside me wanting to be feed and he trys to play with my feet only I will not have it this morning.  I shuw him away and stand up stceaing to the ceiling while walking to the kitchen to feed this hungry cat.  Another day has begun only diffenace is this day will change my path for the unknown.

            That moment when I lost my day didn’t hit me as hard as I thought it would.  I believe I was still in shock about the lay off of my great job I loved.  When I got into my car, all my emotions came flooding into my body and I just burst into tears.  I had no idea what to do or how to go about getting a new job.  I looked down at my hand holding the last check from FedEx and thought how long could that check last until there was no more money left.  I called a friend and tried to compose myself on the phone as so not to cry but it only lasted for a good ten seconds until I couldn’t hold back the tears no more.  I talk on the cell phone for an hour sitting in my car parked in the FedEx lot.  Not sure really what I should do or go to other then home.  I keep looking back at the door to the entrance of FedEx hoping someone would come out and tell me this was all a dream but no one did.  After I let my feelings out and crying up a storm on the cell phone with my friend I didsided to drive home for there was no where I needed to be at or anyone I could turn to for support.  There was one person I wanted to call but I was afired a what she would think and say when I told her the news.  Driving home all I could think about was where was I going to find a job that payed the same as the last or I would have to move out which was not something I could do at that moment with no money saved up. 

A Made Up World... Or Is It?

I remember the day Survivor was first aired on TV. I was so exited about seeing something new and fresh. A bunch of people living in a remote area trying to win money while they try to survive on what little food and water they had. Survivor for me wasn’t about who was the best to get the money but more of how will they coup with something none of those people ever done. I loved to watch them find ways on getting water and food to camp as well as trying to make and keep a camp fire going all day and night. This was my guilty pleasure in the past. I watch now Hell’s Kitchen, Wipe Out, Top Chef, Iron Chef, and any others I find I can learn new and cool stuff I didn’t know before. I am not one who watches those Bachelorette, American Idol or Jersey Shore because who in their right minds likes to watch people yell, fight, party, or date a lot of man/woman when you know it is no where real life. I just cant watch those shows because they seem so fake and made up just for your enjoyment.

Reality TV has become something of a fast track to fame in the Hollywood business. The year 2000 marked the start of Reality TV which started out slow but now its’ exploded all over the world and even the internet. Mostly everyone is trying their hand in the fame and riches by putting up amateur videos of really nothing special on You Tube, Facebook, and many other web sites. People hope that their videos, pictures, or etc.., will catch the eye of America and somehow get notice from big corporations which may give them a contract of some sorts. This has led to crazy, weird and dangerous things people will do for the once in the life time chance at fame. For instance, the Balloon Boy incident; here was a family wanting so bad to get back on TV that they would lie to the world and make their children go along with this outrageous act in order to get some kind of Reality Show in the future.

Reality Shows seems to have made people think that they have a chance at fame and fortune for they go all out just to get their five minutes of fame in hoping that this will be the thing that puts them on top. It seems to me that people seem to be getting lazier and don’t care to work or really do anything worth while in their lives anymore. With so much Reality TV everyone wants in on it just so not to work and live the life of a star.

With so much more I would love to say about Reality Shows there just would not be enough time in the world to type it all down. Today I watch Reality TV more for my own benefit and entertainment values. I have many doubts now and days about if Reality TV is real or not. Also, does Reality TV help people or does it change them for the worst. I like to believe all Reality TV is good ad real at some point but that’s not always true. Whatever it maybe I’ll watch when I have time too but aim not going to let Reality TV take over my life like RPG (role playing games; that’s another long story) have. It’s all up to everyone else on how they should view Reality TV and just remember it’s not 100% real.

Fast Past New Future

Back in the day when I was a kid, McDonalds was the place to go to for the kids’ meal with a surprise toy inside. It was a special moment in my small life when I was able to get something from any fast food place especially from McDonalds. For me it was a dream land of fun free happiness when that McDonalds employee gave me that happy meal. With it in my hand I couldn’t wait to open to find out what toy I got that time. I remember the yellow and red seats with the brown tables with the McDonalds clown I was never really fond of. As I sat down, I glanced out the window onto the play ground area hoping I could go out there once I was done with my meal. When I opened up that happy meal, that wonderful smell made my mouth water and I took my time eating every bit of that meal like it was my last for I never knew when ill be back again. Fast food to me during my childhood years was something special. It was not every day that my family went out to eat fast food. Mostly it was something you had to earn and wait weeks until my parents had extra money to afford to go out to eat. I did however try my hardest to get the happy meals with the cheeseburger or the chicken nuggets but that was like pulling teeth to get my parents to get that instead of a plain hamburger. Nevertheless, I have great memories of the past fast food experience but things have change quite a bit from those days.


Today fast food to me tastes somewhat good but mostly the flavor has changed a lot because I don’t eat fast food any more. I gave up fast food many years ago and for a few good reasons. One big reason was my health. Second reason was my weight and third was that fast food was so bad for you that I didn’t know if it was real food with all the stuff they put into the animals as well as fillers to make you want more of that food. I found so many things it did to me not only on the outside but in the inside as well. I was like a ticking time bomb waiting for the zero count down until I exploded from clogged arteries from eating fast food. Fast food is the thing of the past in my life now. I enjoy home cooked food which may take me longer to make but the end result is something you put your heart soul into as well as it being so much better tasting then fast food. For the last few years and the rest of my life I will eat organic food only even if it cost more. This is my life and I don’t want the problems when I get older like other people have at my age or older.

History, Today, and the Unknown

Running around having fun from the moment I woke up till the stars came out at night was the life of my childhood.  I was a tall, slender, blond, blue eyed little girl and looked out of place in a sea of brown hair brown eyes children.  Well that's what I remember as I grew up back in the 1980's.  Things were different then where kids had to imagination their world around them and outside playing was a must.  I loved those days but I didn't want to grow up for I know once I did then my fun free world would change to the stressful life of an adult. I have lived in Oxnard all my life and most of my family is still here.  I have a messed up family most of my life and well mother and father which I don't understand why they still together when they live in their own worlds.  I was not a bad kid but I don't know why family never thought i was any good.  I mostly just raised myself and watched what not to do when my parents did something wrong.
As of now, I am trying my best to finish my 10 year plan of getting my A.A. in Biology/ Computer Technology.  I found out that the retail jobs don't cut it and I would love to find a job I adore and can help and change the world around us.  So far I am about 2 years until I complete my goal and i can't yet till then!!  I was up and down homeless for the last 2 years because of job lose but i just got a new job in the summer and I am going to keep it until i find a better job to support me. 
For my future I want a great career in the field of oceanography or biology areas or become a mad scientist inventing some kind of things to better the environment.  I hope to have started a family by then and have about two to three kids.  Maybe be married by then but need a guy for that first.  I would love to own a small farm and raise animals and have a big garden with a pond or swimming pool of some kind.  I like to have traveled alot of places being single and with my family in the future.  I just hope i live a good happy life and do the things when i can.